Who’s That Girl? You’re Guide to Meeting a Mate at the Gym

13 Jun

One of my male friends, who I consider to be quite successful in his career, arrived at the gym the other day ready for his morning work-out.  Across the room he spotted a cute girl on the treadmill. Meeting a girl at the gym appeals to him.  He’s long since left the bar scene and figured meeting a girl at the gym would be perfect, they would likely have something in common.  He heads toward the treadmill she’s on and what happens?  He walked right past the machine next to her to the end of the row and hopped on.  Fear got the best of him that day and he didn’t talk to her.  A few days later the same thing happened, although this time he manages to get on a machine next to her, still no conversation though, he keeps his head down and doesn’t even look her way.

Hearing this story I respond with, “What is wrong with you? You’re highly successful, you look better than you have in years, your personable, why wouldn’t you talk to her?”  I already knew the answer to this question, because despite my friend’s willingness to put himself out there professionally, he finds it much more difficult to do so in his personal life.  He fears rejection.

The reality is, we have to put ourselves out there if we hope to make valuable connections with others, whether they romantic or otherwise.  I’ve decided this will be my test case, to help my friend connect, in the hopes that he might find happiness with a partner that suits him.  Taking risks, like talking to the girl at the gym may or may not result in a romantic relationship, but it might result in friendship.  So how do you develop courage to meet someone at the gym, or elsewhere?  Consider these simple strategies below.

You have to start by saying what do I have to lose?  In the case of my friend, what happens if he talks to her and she thinks she’s “totally out of his league”.  She’ll likely at least be nice, and the social cues she’ll give off will indicate to him she’s not interested in being asked out.  In which case, it’s a few minutes of awkwardness, that’s it.  If she’s rude, at least he knows he wouldn’t want to date her anyway.  To overcome intentionally put yourself in a position where you have to engage in conversation.  Start a conversation with a genuine approach.  Here’s a way to approach my friends situation that will help establish a relationship

1)      Meet her gaze.  If a woman looks at you, and holds her gaze for more than a moment, it likely means she is confident.  It also probably means she wouldn’t mind talking to you.  Don’t look away.  Look right at her, smile, and pause.  This indicates you are open to interactions.

2)      Do not run to the other end of the gym when this happens.  You might be tempted if you are a shy-type, but you need to place yourself in a position where interaction could happen.  This doesn’t mean you need to follow her immediately, but find an opportunity to where you could interact.

3)      Initiate conversation.  Some people are great at getting to this point, but then they open their mouth and it goes downhill from there.  Introduce yourself with a question, “I’ve seen you here before, have you been a member here for long?”  The key when initiating conversation is to ask questions rather than talk about yourself.  Be genuine, and steer clear from announcing anything fabulous about yourself at this point.  Huge turn-off, do nt tell her something like you recently placed in a competition, you have an incredible career or you make a lot of money.  Don’t name drop, don’t brag about your physique, and don’t announce your accomplishments at this point.  Trust me, if she likes you at all she will probably go home and online stalk you so she knows what she is dealing with.  The best thing for women is to meet a genuine guy, who doesn’t brag, and asks insightful questions, only to find out had they bragged they would have had a lot to say.  This peak interests.

4)      Talk to for a bit and tell her it was nice to meet her.  If the conversation went  well, tell her you’d enjoy getting to know her better, and give her a way to contact you or ask for her number.  Be genuine.

5)      Whatever you do, look her in the eye.  Believe it out not, most women are highly aware of where a man is looking.  As a matter of fact, most can tell from across the room if a man is looking at them and where they’re looking.  So, be mindful you are paying attention to the right places on her.  Feel free to compliment her but make it tactful and honest.

6)      Most important, be confident but do not be cocky.  You can take the cocky approach, and maybe it will work for you in the beginning, but if at heart you a nice guy looking to form a valuable lasting relationship that approach will only get you a girl you likely don’t want to commit to long-term.

Women like confident and respectful men.  Really there isn’t a lot to lose.  Many women are likely just as nervous as you when it comes to meeting people and they will appreciate your effort.  Even if they don’t want to form a long-term relationship with you, chances are they will enjoy your company for the moment and be flattered that you were interested enough to talk to them.  For those of you who are successful in your sport, or career, take that energy and direct it into your social life.  Take risk and start relationship building.  It might result in a love connection, a friendship, a professional colleague, or otherwise.

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