Tag Archives: love

Who’s That Girl? You’re Guide to Meeting a Mate at the Gym

13 Jun

One of my male friends, who I consider to be quite successful in his career, arrived at the gym the other day ready for his morning work-out.  Across the room he spotted a cute girl on the treadmill. Meeting a girl at the gym appeals to him.  He’s long since left the bar scene and figured meeting a girl at the gym would be perfect, they would likely have something in common.  He heads toward the treadmill she’s on and what happens?  He walked right past the machine next to her to the end of the row and hopped on.  Fear got the best of him that day and he didn’t talk to her.  A few days later the same thing happened, although this time he manages to get on a machine next to her, still no conversation though, he keeps his head down and doesn’t even look her way.

Hearing this story I respond with, “What is wrong with you? You’re highly successful, you look better than you have in years, your personable, why wouldn’t you talk to her?”  I already knew the answer to this question, because despite my friend’s willingness to put himself out there professionally, he finds it much more difficult to do so in his personal life.  He fears rejection.

The reality is, we have to put ourselves out there if we hope to make valuable connections with others, whether they romantic or otherwise.  I’ve decided this will be my test case, to help my friend connect, in the hopes that he might find happiness with a partner that suits him.  Taking risks, like talking to the girl at the gym may or may not result in a romantic relationship, but it might result in friendship.  So how do you develop courage to meet someone at the gym, or elsewhere?  Consider these simple strategies below.

You have to start by saying what do I have to lose?  In the case of my friend, what happens if he talks to her and she thinks she’s “totally out of his league”.  She’ll likely at least be nice, and the social cues she’ll give off will indicate to him she’s not interested in being asked out.  In which case, it’s a few minutes of awkwardness, that’s it.  If she’s rude, at least he knows he wouldn’t want to date her anyway.  To overcome intentionally put yourself in a position where you have to engage in conversation.  Start a conversation with a genuine approach.  Here’s a way to approach my friends situation that will help establish a relationship

1)      Meet her gaze.  If a woman looks at you, and holds her gaze for more than a moment, it likely means she is confident.  It also probably means she wouldn’t mind talking to you.  Don’t look away.  Look right at her, smile, and pause.  This indicates you are open to interactions.

2)      Do not run to the other end of the gym when this happens.  You might be tempted if you are a shy-type, but you need to place yourself in a position where interaction could happen.  This doesn’t mean you need to follow her immediately, but find an opportunity to where you could interact.

3)      Initiate conversation.  Some people are great at getting to this point, but then they open their mouth and it goes downhill from there.  Introduce yourself with a question, “I’ve seen you here before, have you been a member here for long?”  The key when initiating conversation is to ask questions rather than talk about yourself.  Be genuine, and steer clear from announcing anything fabulous about yourself at this point.  Huge turn-off, do nt tell her something like you recently placed in a competition, you have an incredible career or you make a lot of money.  Don’t name drop, don’t brag about your physique, and don’t announce your accomplishments at this point.  Trust me, if she likes you at all she will probably go home and online stalk you so she knows what she is dealing with.  The best thing for women is to meet a genuine guy, who doesn’t brag, and asks insightful questions, only to find out had they bragged they would have had a lot to say.  This peak interests.

4)      Talk to for a bit and tell her it was nice to meet her.  If the conversation went  well, tell her you’d enjoy getting to know her better, and give her a way to contact you or ask for her number.  Be genuine.

5)      Whatever you do, look her in the eye.  Believe it out not, most women are highly aware of where a man is looking.  As a matter of fact, most can tell from across the room if a man is looking at them and where they’re looking.  So, be mindful you are paying attention to the right places on her.  Feel free to compliment her but make it tactful and honest.

6)      Most important, be confident but do not be cocky.  You can take the cocky approach, and maybe it will work for you in the beginning, but if at heart you a nice guy looking to form a valuable lasting relationship that approach will only get you a girl you likely don’t want to commit to long-term.

Women like confident and respectful men.  Really there isn’t a lot to lose.  Many women are likely just as nervous as you when it comes to meeting people and they will appreciate your effort.  Even if they don’t want to form a long-term relationship with you, chances are they will enjoy your company for the moment and be flattered that you were interested enough to talk to them.  For those of you who are successful in your sport, or career, take that energy and direct it into your social life.  Take risk and start relationship building.  It might result in a love connection, a friendship, a professional colleague, or otherwise.

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Eat Pray EXERCISE Love

3 Apr

Eat Pray EXERCISE and Love

This is my new mantra.  I saw the movie Eat Pray Love some time ago and have thought about it ever since.  I have several moments where I yearn to be Julia Roberts traveling through foreign countries finding myself.  Since the life of a mother to two young children precludes me from doing that, I’ll have to spend the hours between 8:30 – 2:30 weekdays figuring it out while simultaneous grocery shopping, cleaning, running errands and working.  Never-the-less, I am going to keep working on this and hopefully someday I’ll figure out the key to happiness and the meaning of life as a result.  I imagine the best way to get there is every once in a while just putting aside my ambitions, goals, pressures and responsibilities and focus on just being me.  Today I decided to reflect on eating, praying, exercising and loving.  I had to add exercise to the equation, because if I were to travel world like Julia I’d likely do this as well. Here’s what I came up with.

Eat

Eating is happiness. If you don’t believe me, try not doing it for a few days straight. Better yet, try limiting yourself for months on end.  Trust me, I can speak intelligently on this topic, I’ve been there.  Eating the right foods that nourish the body and fill the soul helps you mentally.  Balance is paramount in this, not overindulging too much, nor under indulging.  Developing a healthy relationship with food is important.  Think about the bad relationships you have had with others, they can be toxic to your well-being.  The same can be said for relationships with food.  Figure out what your body needs to feel you’re very best and stick to that.

Pray

I am not overly religious, but meditation, reflection, and communing with whatever power that you see fit can greatly improve your perspective.  Quieting the mind is the most difficult part for many of us in doing this. We live in a society that demands we are always “on”.  We begin to wonder… if you strip away all the things about me…my resume, my degree, my awards, my relationships, my possessions, am I enough?  Just me, is it enough?  That’s a good question.  Praying, in whatever fashion you see fit, seems to reaffirm that you are enough, exactly where you are at.  You don’t need anyone else to tell you that, you just need to believe it yourself.  Acceptance of who you are, often arrived through prayer, can open doors that were invisible to you before.

Exercise

We are designed to move.  We eat and we move and it seems to balance out.  Like ying and yang, eating and exercise go together.  Nourish the body so that it can move.  Effectively combining these two things allows for love.  You will grow to love your body for its strength and health.  Aging gracefully has a lot to do with respecting your body not for its physical features, but for how it supports you.  Exercise=empowerment.  Push yourself to achieve physical goals and suddenly you will find yourself doing that in other areas of your life, and being successful at it.

Love

Love yourself.  Love your body.  Love others. You were put on earth exactly the way you are and no amount of wishing you were someone will change that.  Loving yourself is the door to fully appreciating life, and others for that matter.  Loving yourself is not a bad thing.  You ought to be your own biggest fan.  You ought to believe in yourself and abilities.  You can believe you can do something or you can believe you can’t, either way you are right.  Learn from others, let them in, but don’t ever allow others to make you believe you are not beautiful, or capable or amazing.

Today I’m committing to loving myself.  To keeping exercise a priority and to eating foods that make me feel good.  I will respect my body, and take pride in being perfectly imperfect.  I’ll recognize that I can change certain things about myself but there are things I can’t, and that’s okay.  I’ll spend time quietly reflecting on life, being in the moment and appreciating that the world is bigger than me.  I’ll love fiercely and boldly, trust more than I’m comfortable with, and support those around me.  I’ll live with no regrets; take chances and risk failure… most importantly I’ll find myself, even if it means I don’t go farther than up the street to do it.

 

What Makes Us Believe

15 Mar

Just a little girl, I believe I can do anything.  I want to be a dancer and I dance to the beat of my own music.  There’s no regard for the way it should be done.  There’s only the music, and laughter, and confidence.  “I will be the best dancer ever,” I chant.  I look in the mirror and I smile at my reflection.  I’m happy, and I twirl in the center of the dance floor doing my very best impression of a ballerina.  Yes, that’s what I’ll be, a dancer.

I’m joyful.

And along the way someone says, “You’re not tall enough to be a dancer.  You’re not graceful enough to be a dancer.  You’re not disciplined enough to be a dancer.  There are others that are better.” So maybe that means I can’t do it.  “Dancing is done like this,” I’m told. I try to follow, but I misstep.  I think maybe they are right.  As time goes by, the music dies.  I don’t hear it anymore, so I stop moving my feet.  I just quit, because maybe….. I’m just not good enough.

I doubt myself.

Years and years go by, and I become a mom.  I listen.  I want to be a “baseball player mom.”  I am going to be on a professional team someday.  I look at my son, not fast enough, not strong enough, and in my mind I just see doubt. I see heartbreak.  I watch his passion, his drive, with no regard for what it takes to be the very best, he plays for the love of the game.  Who am I to take that joy?  My responsibility is to make him believe that anything is possible; that if he wants it bad enough than he should play.  When I watch him hit a home run I can see the joy swell within him.

I have faith.

I tell him to chase his dream.  “I’ll chase it with you.  If you want it bad enough, together we will find a way to get there.”  As I am saying this to him I can hear the music playing softly.  I close my eyes and I can remember the dance, and the dream, and the struggle, and the fear.  The fear that I’m not the best, so therefore I must give up. I can hear the words, “you might not make it,” and I believe that.  But looking back, dance takes many forms, and a person who believes they can do it, almost always finds a way through the journey.

I have hope.

So my goal is to make him believe.  To make the others around me believe.  Because the way you get there is by thinking you can.  It’s falling down, hearing you’re not good enough and saying, “Yes I am.  I know I am.”  It’s falling, and getting up, and falling again, and crawling through, and saying “yes I am good enough.”  It’s refusing to stop dancing.  It’s refusing to stop believing in you.  We tell children they really ought to grow up.  It’s really us that ought to be more like children, to see ourselves with wonder.  To dance even when we know we are not the best.  To believe that it’s not just talent that pulls us through, it’s not just being the best that allows us to get there. More importantly its passion, our love for the things we do, that make us successful. Passion sets the world on fire.  Who would ever give that up?

I believe again.

I don’t doubt. I choose to believe.  I believe in that little girl who dances. I believe in the boy playing baseball for the love of the game, and I believe in you!